Interior Designer Elkhart Goshen Indiana
I have a confession to make and a dirty little secret....
I am not perfect, I don't have it all together and some days I feel like a fraud....
Sure, I'm a little OCD, a little ADHD and totally unbalanced but even worse - I'm a failure and a fraud! Everyone thinks I'm a good person, but honestly, I'm not. I've made some bad choices and I still hear those voices in my head reminding me... I've let my mother down, I'm a fraud, a terrible caregiver and I'll never amount to anything good. You see, last year, my mother's best friend and caregiver died prematurely from a heart attack. My sweet mother suffers from Alzheimer's Disease and now suddenly I was her primary caregiver. And not a very good one.
It all happened so quickly - I only let her out of my sight for maybe 20 seconds. She went back into the house to visit the powder room but opened the basement door instead. Her fall down the stairs was devastating to her back and her health and her already deteriorating mind. She is still confined to a wheel chair today, almost a full year later. Case closed...I am guilty!
Not the typical before and after pictures I prefer to display!
And today the voices in my head are back and taunt me and remind me of yet another one of my failures and I am so ashamed.
I remember thinking, God if you love me why did you allow this to happen? And you know what - there's no response.
Sometimes I feel so alone. But then I open my Bible and I read that He loves me so much that he sent his own son to reconcile me with him (John 3:16) and that nothing can separate me from His love (Romans 8:38-39) and He has good plans for me (Jeremiah 29: 11).
I need to renew my mind with these truths often. And days like today, I need to get it from my head into my heart. And today, (for once) God agreed with me and decided that I needed more than a love note from His Word. He decided I needed a bouquet of love instead....look and see.....
And as I stopped and looked at His beautiful bouquet of love I was overcome with amazement and tears swelled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat and I thought, "This is an ordinary weed - but.-if God can do this with an ordinary weed, he can do it with anything!."
And then I heard His still small voice tell my heart.. "Consider how the wild flowers grow: They do not labor or spin. Yet not even Solomon in all his glory was adorned like one of these. If that is how I clothe the grass of the field, which is here today and gone tomorrow, how much more will I clothe you."
Do I understand how God works? No.
Did he tell my why he allows suffering? No.
But what I learned is that God is with me in all my circumstances, in control, providing protection, loving me, working all things out for my good, building my faith. All I need to do is quiet my heart, focus on him, lift my eyes, look and listen!
God loves me and God loves you. I am who He says I am. He has everything under control. He uses ordinary things to create something extraordinary. He has not left me here alone!
Today all other voices except God's, are silenced and it is well with my soul (although my eyes are still leaking).
Have you ever had a similar day, like maybe even today? If you are, know that you are not alone. Are you in the middle of affliction? Struggling to understand? Wondering if Jesus will answer your prayers?
We all have high points and low points and I believe the only way to quiet all the voices and make sense of my life, and my failures is to choose to believe God. And when I choose to believe, the blessings begin and my faith grows from ordinary into something extraordinary. That's how God works and how He proves that He is who He says he is.
He is with you and he is hearing you as well.
Today, let's be a part of God's love bouquet and change the world by believing Him and being who He created. With God, we can do this...one beautiful weed at a time!
Come share your thoughts with me here. I would love to hear from you about choosing the joy of the Lord in spite of your circumstances.
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About this blog...
I began writing this blog in May 2016 after discovering that my mother always wanted to be a writer. She has Alzheimer's disease and she'll never realize her dream. Sometimes in our deepest grief we are motivated to encourage others to fearlessly be themselves so that their gifts and stories are shared. I mean, how else can we change the world?. So I began to record the things that reflect who I am and what is important to me, because one day my memories too, may be gone and what would that mean to the people God gave me to care for and the good works He gave me to do? So, here is where I share the important stuff so that you can learn real design, not decorator tricks, but fundamental and salient concepts to apply so that you can create your own exemplary home and so that my family and I can remember the life we lived and created here in our home, our sacred place. Because my work is important, this is also where I share my favorite design projects and how good design enhanced their lives as well. I hope you're inspired and encouraged as I share my memories, my work, my mission & my life. Many blessings, (Numbers 6: 24-26)