Interior Designer Elkhart Goshen Indiana
Take a guess...what do you think?
This is the kind of post no one ever wants to share. But if the story isn't shared then no one can benefit from it, can they? Years ago, our marriage was in turmoil. I was defensive and disrespectful and Tom was critical and controlling. We were opposites. And after many years, being opposites wasn't 'attracting' any more in fact, it felt more like it was dividing us.
I realized that even though we were both believers (Romans 5:8 ), neither of us was living like it (Acts 2:38 ). So I began a prayer journal and seeking God and I asked him to teach me how to love and respect my husband (of course, this was after the prayers that God would change my husband came back with nothing). so I had to make a change. And through a series of mini miracles, I call 'heart changes', I changed and made better decisions that affected our marriage and our family. Here's what I learned:
The most loving thing I could ever do for my family was to love and respect their Dad!
God said that I needed to respect my husband (Ephesians 5: 33). "And the wife must respect her husband." (whether I felt like it or not).
I didn't know what it looked like to respect and love my husband. I had good intentions and tried hard but I couldn't do it on my own. I had to do something different. According to Philippians 4:8, I needed to learn learn how to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. So, I choose to replace my negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
And here is how it started:
1. Respect him Verbally (Proverbs 31: 11-12) Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
I can still remember exactly where I was when I heard this verse and a little voice in my head said.."I don't think that argument you had in front of the kids just before church was good for your husband or your children. Do you want those little boys to grow up and marry a woman that talks to them like you just spoke to your man?" This was a turning point for me and a real wake up call. So instead of thinking about his faults and then letting this thinking control my feelings and behavior, I choose to think about his good traits and focus on them instead. I recorded both the things I admired about him and his positive traits in my prayer journal. Then, as Valentine's Day started getting closer, I wrote them on a valentine and tucked them in his coat pocket each morning so that he would find it during his work day.
Like a precious flower bud in a vase, he still displays them on his dresser to this date.
2. Respect his home
(the wise woman builds her home Proverbs 14;1)
I believe our home should reflect beauty, organization and serenity. Not because the world says so, but because it pleases God and because it pleases my husband. God created it and it reflects His character and His plans for us (Genesis 1, John 14:2 & 27 & Revelation 21). So I make it a point to do the best I can to accomplish that priority. But trust me, our house looks lived in because we live in it!
Pumpkin pie is his favorite pie, so I make it a point to bake one for him for special occasions.
3. Respect his identify and his maleness (Genesis 2:18) Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.
Tom is an engineer. He is gifted intellectually and as a problem solver. He loves it when I ask his opinion and actually listen to what he wants. Just this week, I asked him, "what is most loving thing that I do for you" and he said, "you listen to me." Not what I expected! Tom loves to work on vintage Cub Cadet tractors. He collects them, repairs them and then restores them. So I painted a mail box in honor of his gifts and his passions.
I know it sounds simple (and simple doesn't mean easy) but I learned that I needed to stop trying to change him and instead pay attention to him and acknowledge what he loves to do and what he is good at.
Each of us have different things that make us feel loved, respected and appreciated. You won’t know what is important to him unless you ask and then listen and respond.
So, Here are some great questions to ask your special Valentine this year. But don't go it alone. First ask God for a soft heart, and to teach you how to love and respect your husband. Then trust He will act on your behalf because marriage is important to God. It is His will that you remain married (Mark 10:9) and then record your insights and your new adventure with God.
Here is my husband's response....he made me these hearts!
After 25 years, he is still my hero and my knight in shining armor. And I feel so loved!
Thank you Jesus for keeping your promises. For being so faithful to both me and your Word.
How do you love and respect your husband? I'd love to hear your story.
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Welcome to my personal design notebook. If you already know me, then you know my mother suffers from Alzheimer's disease. During this journey with her, I realized how important it was to keep a record of the things that reflect who I am and what is important to me, because one day my memories too, may be gone and what would that mean to the people God gave me to care for and the good works He gave me to do? So here is where I share the important stuff so that you can learn real design, not decorator tricks, but fundamental and salient concepts to apply so that you can create your own exemplary home and so that my family and I can remember the life we lived and created here in our home, our sacred place. Because my work is important, this is also where I share my favorite design projects and how good design enhanced their lives as well. I hope you're inspired and encouraged as I share my memories, my work, my mission & my life. Many blessings, (Numbers 6: 24-26)